Monday, June 22, 2009

it's complicated

For those of you on social networking sites that ask you how to define relationships, you can appreciate the "it's complicated" title, I'll bet. Because regardless of whether you're single, dating, married, divorced, nun, or "other" (that last one always creeps me out a bit), you have to realize that all relationships are complicated.

This is even more so with family. We grow up with these people that we didn't necessarily choose, and we try to make it fit and work and put a lot of effort into these relationships because "blood is thicker than water." Except family is so very...complicated. It's not always easy.

At any rate, Father's Day happened yesterday. For reasons that are personal, and that I probably won't ever truly explain in a blog due to the fact that I don't like to blog about events where there are always other points of view (that doesn't seem quite fair to blog about), I'll just say that a phone call was not made, an email was not sent, a card was not mailed, and a gift was not given to my father. I love him very much and hope he is well, and I hold him in my heart, and in the light, but for the first time in my life I am choosing my well-being over his and because it has made the nightmares lessen, I know it is the right thing to do.

I look forward to the day I get to reconnect with my father, give him a fierce hug, and tell him that I am proud of the man he has become.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there who are strong, brave, fierce, protective, and loving. And happy Father's Day to all the mothers out there who stepped up and, in the place of a father, were just as strong and brave and fierce and protective and loving.

May the light shining from your children's faces tell you how grateful we all truly are.


Mrs Anne said...

your light shines bright.
thank you for sharing part of your ♥ with us.

krista said...

i definitely understand your reasoning behind not blogging about it. but i just hope that doesn't translate over into the rest of your life. your silence, i mean.
there's a blog i read. the link is here:

i'm a big believer in speaking your truth. and i'm not saying that to get you to talk about something in a forum you aren't comfortable with. i'm just presenting one tiny flag of an opinion, waving with the idea that your truth is free to use as you see fit. and that only you can decide that. it's a fine line, to be sure. but you don't owe it to ANYONE to hold onto secrets if you're tired of holding onto them.

wow. i hope this made sense. just throwing a little opine around.

Phoenix said...

Hey Krista -- thanks for the link. To clarify -- I never advocate silence, of any kind, when it comes to this subject matter. My hesitation stems from respecting the privacy of others involved and refraining from taking a very complicated (thus the title) situation and trying to paint it as black and white by sharing only my point of view. Abuse, in any form, is never justified, but understanding how a cycle begins (and ends) is important as well.

You are so strong and you should be so proud of all that you have become.

drollgirl said...

it's complicated sums up almost all relationships!

i am not sure what happened with you and your dad, and i hope you work it out someday.

and i loved what you wrote about thanking moms for stepping up to the plate when dads aren't around. that was such a nice thing for you to do.

Lira Kellerman said...

My heart is full of love for you. And let's celebrate our complicated relationships with a raspberry lemonade toast to sliding scale therapy!

Phoenix said...

Hell yeah, Elle!

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