Saturday, June 13, 2009

imagine all that is shining and new

It's the end of what's been a long, frustrating week for me, not without its good moments, but certainly a few bad moments as well. Today I had another setback and felt, well, a little defeated, to be honest. Feeling discouraged and a little beaten by life, I did what I usually do when things aren't going well -- I go someplace else, in my mind. The change of "scenery" always gives me new perspective, and I remember how transitional life is, slipping from one moment to the next like a cloud changing shape, and nothing is forever except love.

I close my eyes. I breathe. I open them. I am in Laguna Beach, with my mom, sitting on the warm grass in the Friday sunshine, watching the aqua blue waves crash against the shore, the volleyball players, the little kids swing on the swings. We eat mozzarella and tomato sandwiches and ice cream cones and I listen to her tell me stories about when she moved to Boston by herself without knowing anyone, or how she once got to interview the prime minister of Israel, Yitzhak Rabin, before he was assassinated.

My toes are warmed by the sand and I can practically feel my shoulders freckling, and there are jokes and stories told and a lot of them are about all the cats we've owned, and we give each other advice and make references to how we still think The Gilmore Girls totally borrowed from our lives, and when my mom gets home she will play Jeopardy! over the phone with me because there was a Shakespeare category again and she loves how I know 95% of the answers to all the Shakespeare category questions. And when I get home I will dust the sand off my flip flops and put some aloe on my shoulders and go to bed, dreaming of summer days of warmth and love, and I will know that yes, this too shall pass. It always does.


krista said...

i don't know about the setbacks but i'm hugging you and slapping your butt like a football player telling you 'good work, good work' and i'm marveling at your ability to go somewhere in your mind to take it off the negative trail when usually all i ever did was smoke a pack of cigarettes and drink a bottle of wine. of course, that was pre-finn, so now i watch bad reality television and write blog posts.
regardless, i would like to high-five you in your happy place.
~wow. i really didn't mean that the way it sounded.~

Phoenix said...

I am laughing so hard as I type this -- thanks, girl. :)

Elle said...

I am going to teach you how to swim so you and your mom can take a dip in the ocean of your mind.

Phoenix said...

Yaaaay! I'm going to buy a kick board this week!!

Iva said...

OMG! your comment! I am so sorry there wasn't a makeup role model for you.....BUT you are hilarious! ...but you would NEVER look like a clown lol

Gwen said...

I love your visual "happy place" and I'm sending warm thoughts & hugs your way. Thinking of you my friend. XOXO

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