Monday, May 24, 2010

speaking of nothing to do with that

(photo credit: I stole it from here, a website that has some of the yummiest visuals I've ever found)


Over the past week or so I've been feeling all sorts of love from you guys - for which I am truly, truly grateful. You have no idea (or maybe you do) what it means to put something really vulnerable about yourself out there for the blogosphere to weigh in on and have so many supportive, purely fantastical people jump on board with the warm and fuzzy and insightful comments.

I'd say about 5% (on bad days, maybe 10%) of me is defined by what has happened to me in the past, and the other 90-95% of me and my crazy life is defined by what I love the most - exploring Los Angeles, being outdoors, humiliating myself in front of ten year olds, spending time with my friends and family, learning knife and sword fighting, acting and modeling, having hilarious conversations with my mom, dressing up like only nerds do, and taking photographs, just to name a few. And, of course, blogging about all of it and reading your guys' blogs too.

I know the last few posts have set a different tone for my blog and while I'm nothing but gratified with my decision to do so, I don't want to spend the rest of the time I have with this blog dwelling in the past; nor do I want to move ahead with it by pretending I never wrote about the challenges I've overcome. The balance is in there somewhere and although I've always been more than slightly crappy about finding balance in my life I'm trying my hardest to do so with this blog. I want to keep it uplifting and inspiring while not shying away from the days when I am crumpled on the bathroom floor and not having the best time of it ever. I want to keep my blog authentic and honest and not lie when I'm in a great mood or lie when I'm in a terrible mood. Most of all, I want you guys to turn to this blog because you know that whether I'm doing well or doing not so well, I'm gonna respect you and treat you as a friend who just asked how I was doing - and I'm never gonna simply answer, "Fine."

How's that sound? :)

23 comments:

Wine and Words said...

Amen Sista! I am shit sick of "fine". I'll take any other answer. You're are...you are...finding your balance!

jonas wunderman said...

Sounds good ....


:)

Jojomama said...

I love frankness and honesty. I'm a sagitarius and we are notorious for out lack of filter. (=
I didn't notice before that you are an actor. Awesome. My husband in in the industry and my sister is an actor. My husband is shooting a film this summer. He has been very busy lately. It is a maddening business to be in but we are so enmeshed with it--like a disfunctional family--you hate it but can't escape it. Love/hate. Haha!
Glad we've met. I have a feeling you are going to be a good bloggy pal. (=

Marion said...

Sound fine to me. Tee-Hee. Sending you love & hugs & Blessings. xoxoxo

drollgirl said...

it sounds good to me! you are finding that balance, and i am glad to be along for the ride!

Eric W. Trant said...

Things that have nothing to do with feeling blah.

1) Brak: Click for Brak's Tales of Suspense!

2) Mefco's Random Nerd Jokes: Click for other jokes like Ethernet" is what you use to catch the Ether Bunny.

This joke is all the more funny because the Ether Bunny is what visits you in Boot Camp. Get it?

- Eric

Phoenix said...

Eric, LOL!

Robin said...

I know what you mean about finding balance. I feel a lot like my life struggle is about that. It seems like whenever things are the most crazy is when something is tipped too far out of balance. I have that "aha" moment and then go about the business of restoration. I think that you were having trouble before because you were experiencing imbalance and it took writing that really painful blog to set your balance. It was honest, raw, clear, and freeing. It allowed you to gain your equilibrium. The truth is that no one is always "fine," and if they say that they are... well they are in denial or they are lying. This whole life thing is all about schooling and some of the lessons are hard and some of them are a bitch. And that is the truth. All we get to make it easier are other people taking the class who encourage us, hug us, and pick us up when we fall down. That's it. Love ya Tracy. Anytime you need a long distance hug, you know who to call!

Bathwater said...

I like hearing both the good and the bad only because I'd hate to assume you were okay when you were down.

The blog is the perfect forum to express what is happening in your day. It allows for support without the judgment of those we have to deal with in our everyday lives.

And we find some pretty amazing people too.

Jo said...

Sounds great to me!
Much love to you, lady!!

Lady Ren said...

cheers to the 95 percent.

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

That photo makes me want to walk into that surreal world and soak it up. And I pretty much like the sound of whatever you say so no complaints coming from me.
(Thanks for the Buffyspeak comment, by the way. I'm all silly grins now.)

krista said...

that sounds fine.
:-)

Des said...

I enjoy reading this blog because of your honesty and because you are a strong writer. So regardless of the topic, I know that your posts will always be interesting and compelling.

Kate said...

I love that photo.

A little while ago, I left a comment on Bathwater's blog saying that I don't want to read blogs where the writer is constantly happy and all is right with their world; I have nothing against blogs like that, I just find them a little fake. No-one's life is perfect. I want to learn about the real person behind the blog, and I'm definitely learning about you.

Gwen said...

Sounds fabulous girl!!! I will be highly concerned if you ever answer fine. :) XOXO

Ida Nielsen said...

One of my favourite things about your blog is how real it/you is so that sounds very good indeed :-)

Dionne said...

I love it. Staying true to yourself is what I love about this blog. You always tell it like it is. I respect that sooo much.

Death Wears Diamond Jewellery said...

love it. i hate how the whole 'how are you' 'fine' conversation has been reduced to a formality people feel obliged to use. when i ask someone, i reaaaly mean it.

i hear you about finding a balance with your blog too, it gets so hard sometimes

Barbara said...

Sounds good to me!

Ed Pilolla said...

just read your blog. i see what all the buzz is about. you demonstrate your strength through your transparency. you value balance. you are evolved. and evolving further. where you have been has made you special. that's just how it works for people who have been broken. you are so deep because of it, and you've dealt with those issues, so you're self aware. a profound gift to stumble onto your life story by way of wine and words.

Jaeveberry said...

That sounds lovely! This reminds me of my new thing where when people ask me how am I, I don't just say the usual "I'm good, you?" and instead I reply "I'm HAPPY!"

BTW, thank you so much for your reply to my post today. I really needed to hear that. Sometimes I get locked into a small bubble of limited thinking because of a small number of people in my immediate orbit who are limited thinkers and I forget there is a world larger than my backyard full of people who are more aligned with what I want to or do believe in. <3

Nishant said...

it sounds good to me! you are finding that balance, and i am glad to be along for the ride!
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