Monday, May 17, 2010

the kids are alright

I know that last week I wrote a deeply personal post about what I'm going through right now and then just sort of left people hanging - I didn't mean that to be the intention, but sometimes, when something FINALLY gets out of your system, you just sort of sit back and let the arrows hit what they must. As a result of my post my family is now going through some pretty dramatic changes, none of which I feel the least bit sorry about. It was change that needed to happen because it was the sort of change that happens when the truth is revealed, and too many families with experiences similar to mine drown under the weight of what is not being said, what will never be said.

A couple people emailed to ask how I was doing, and my very honest answer is: I'm doing great. I'm doing better than great. I feel freer than I have in ages. And I have many of you, both my personal and blogger friends, to thank for that, as your support and love and kindness and understanding has traveled through the wires and onto the keyboard and into my heart. Thank you, each and every one of you: thank you so much.

Although I would like to ask some of you who called me amazing and incredible and strong and beautiful that you know I once closed the refrigerator door on my head, right? Right then, moving along. Nothing to see here.

Some of your comments were so incredible, in fact, that I am writing another post in a few days just so I can directly address them. But I wanted to write a quick "Hi, I'm alive and well" post first so y'all didn't worry.

Before I take off, quick anecdote on how to tell if you're an A-Type like me:

I got food poisoning late Saturday night (did you know that you're not supposed to eat a bleu cheese burger with mayo after it's been left in a hot car for four hours? Why didn't anyone tell me this? Sometimes I'm such a guy) and as I'm leaning over the toilet, knowing that I'm about to lose my stomach any minute, I notice...

...that my toilet is way too dirty to throw up in. So (and I am not making this up), I grab the toilet brush and promptly scrub down my toilet and then clean the seat with some moistened toilet paper to get it all pristine-

- before promptly throwing up in it. A girl's gotta have standards, people.

I'm feeling much better now!

Tracy: 1 Mayo: 0.

31 comments:

Elisabeth said...

Well the symbolism in your anecdote is wonderful. It can be read in so many ways. It's good to hear that you're okay and feeling - pardon the pun - 'purged' in more ways than one.

All that poison you've been carrying around inside, and not just from a bleu cheese hamburger. It's a good time to have a good clean out, and stop carrying what does not belong to you.

Perhaps this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Thank for this, Phoenix.

I was one of those left wondering.

akka b. said...

great ~ now I have this Lady Liberte image of you with toilet scrubber in hand saving the world one pristine toilet at a time. ha ha ha!

Good on ya babe! Good on ya and God on ya for all of it! All the below and above and inside and outside of it.

Watch those doors fly open. xx

drollgirl said...

well i am so glad you are doing so well! you are a wonder, little lady!

and your barf/toilet story?!?! OHMYGOD! you are too much!!!!!!

Indigo said...

I'm sorry, I couldn't help spewing my drink when I read, the line where you said you shut your head in the refrigerator. Oh hell, I'm still laughing.

I don't think I would've been able to hold my lunch, looking at a dirty toilet, long enough to scrub it first.

Now I know, 'Why' I don't like mayo.

On the family issues, you're right they needed to be resolved. However uncomfortable, it needed to be done. Thinking of you sweet friend. (Hugs)Indigo

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

You're definitely all right and more. The last post was heart-wrenching and eloquent and brave. This one shows how you bounce, and it's high and joyful.
As far as I'm concerned it's bad enough to vomit without the toilet being gross, so I totally get the clean squad. Good purge.

Bathwater said...

Honestly that sounds like something I would do-- the cleaning the toilet bowl in the middle of being sick. The other thing, shutting your head in the refrigerator how can anyone do that? ;)

I'm glad you don't care where the chips fall, you shouldn't.

Jo said...

I think that getting it out of your system helped you as well as people you may never even meet. And lady, that is amazing!!
xox

krista said...

there is some sort of metaphor in the purging into cleanliness, no?

g. fox said...

Seriously... I have done that. Though, not the bleu cheese burger part. I'm also the kind of girl who throws the milk away on the sell-by date.

Glad to hear your purge has had positive ripples in your family. You know better than anyone else what a victory that is. Be at peace.

xoxo,
g.fox*

Gwen said...

I'm so glad you are doing great!!! I've been praying for you girl!!! And I've been known to clean the toilet really well before going out. Nothing like sleeping one off on a clean piece of porcelain. :)

XOXO

P.S. Thank you tons for your comment. I love you girl!!!

Jmarls80 said...

Glad - and not surprised - you're doing so well. That is a HARD EARNED "well" you're rolling around in, and I hope it never leaves you.

jenn said...

although i am not blogging anymore, i am still reading & i wanted to give you a great big virtual hug. you have such an amazing spirit and your attitude about this entire thing just shows that when someone tries to bring you down - you're only going to shine brighter. amazing posts! :)

- Jenn
jeansfriday@gmail.com

Dionne said...

I am glad that good changes are happening. So it should.

And wow - you ate a burger with bleu cheese that had been sitting for that long - not only are you a guy, but you're 12, lol. You poor thing. I don't remember ever having food poisoning, but I bet it sucks.

Kris said...

So sorry to hear about the food poisoning! I'm a bit behind on your life and I apologize. Going to catch up right now!

maggisaar said...

I don't know what to say when it comes to heavy stories like that. If I was in person, we'd hug and talk...but in blog land...I...I'm awkward and weird and I'm sorry.

But you amaze me daily and crack me up and I simply LOVE your vomit story. And I'm glad we're friends.

And, trust me, going through morning sickness, you don't care what the toilet looks like. As long as you don't get too much in the way of splash back. Because splash back is the worst. I have Number 3ed in a dirty toilet and not avoided splash back, and...well...it's gross. It's why my fetus is grounded until she's 3. And no longer a fetus.

Funny note, I also once threw up in front of an Abercrombie & Fitch about 4 years ago, into an empty trash can, on a HOT spring day. I know, for sure, that it sat in the sun for at least two days. I think the people who work/shop there deserved the smell.

Just saying. :)

littlemissjuicy said...

hahaha i just read the story about shutting the fridge on your own head...hahaha...

I'm glad that you're finally letting go off the responsibility that wasn't yours to begin with.

littlemissjuicy said...

hahaha i just read the story about shutting the fridge on your own head...hahaha...

I'm glad that you're finally letting go off the responsibility that wasn't yours to begin with.

Kate said...

I once got stuck in a tumble dryer - wasn't even drunk - I still have the photo - I might blog about that - oh yes - sigh.

Robin said...

So glad that you're not shrinking back and thinking, "What did I do?" You told the truth and how everyone else chooses to deal with it, well that is up to them. If you read my post on tending your own garden... well, it's kinda like that. The only garden you are responsible for is yours. They have to deal with theirs. I still think you are strong and brave, despite the head in the refrigerator note. I am mentally trying to figure that out, but... And scrubbing out the toilet before puking: priceless. Love ya Tracy!!!

Okie said...

lol...hilarious.

Granted, depending on the filth factor, cleaning it first may help stem the extent of the sick you were feeling. Still, very funny story. :)

Wine and Words said...

People used to call me type Triple A. I am now passing the title on to you. I believe you've earned it my friend, and I love you all the more for taking it from me :)

Clarity said...

Oh you darling.

I just saw this and the last post and KNEW I should have checked my blog comments recently. I had no idea; you were there and I feel like I should have been there... for you. I am sorry. OK BFF - go to my comments box (moderated) and post the damn email. We are talking. Love ya, x.

Marion said...

I'm glad to hear you're doing great, Phoenix. I hope your tummy is better, too. (Hey, I'd have scrubbed the 'throne' too, before puking). Sending you hugs & blessings! xoxo

lakeviewer said...

Thanks for the visit. Though I've no idea what it is that you did, I hope you are moving on to bigger and better things.

Heather Taylor said...

Glad to hear you're doing well! I hear ya on the cleaning the toilet before throwing up. In my case I'd just pour in the Pine Sol and breathe in the scent so it gave me the illusion of believing the toilet was clean, throw up, then scrub it out. Oh, and uh, flush the toilet out first before scrubbing :)

Robin said...

I left you an award on my blog. I thought you could use some sunshine....:-)

Dave said...

Personally, I've used my dashboard as a microwave on several occassions. But I keep the glovebox full of Malox. You've just gotta think ahead.

Kristin Quinn said...

LOL!! You can still be awesome and beautiful and slam your head into your fridge. And I still think you're awesome even though you had a disgustingly dirty toilet. The only difference now is I think you are even more incredible for cleaning the toilet right before you barf! Whatever gets the job done, right?

Taylor K said...

I've definitely cleaned my toilet and held my puke in before. It is one of the most awful moments ever. I have done it when I had to drunk throw up in college, too. Luckily, my drunk throw up days are behind me. :)

Eric W. Trant said...

I feel your pain on the fridge thing. I got stitches a few years ago in my left brow because I leaned over and clipped the counter going down, slammed my head into it with no less force than would a madman behind me, just about knocked myself out.

Everyone thought I got into a fight.

Nope. I'm just a tard.

- Eric

Purple Cow said...

You are so hilariously funny, even in the face of tragedy. An example to us all!

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