Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Top 10 worst things about being a female

So last night, after a week or so of over-sensitivity, rage, insecurity, and neediness (sometimes I would literally go from one emotion to the next in about five seconds), I ended up breaking down in the middle of a PetCo parking lot for no apparent reason, then narrowly avoided the Halloween Candy aisle while grocery shopping (why? Why would you do that, people?! It's freakin' AUGUST) only to cave in when I saw ice cream sandwiches on sale.

When I got home, the groceries weren't even unpacked before I had devoured an entire ice cream sandwich in three bites.


So to celebrate, um, monthly happenings and other things, I thought I'd come up with a top ten list of the worst things about being a girl. But in the interest of fair and balanced blogging, tomorrow you'll get the ten BEST things about being a female...if I can even narrow it down to ten, because being a woman (most of the time) rocks.

Anyways, here we go:

1) women: can spend upwards of hundreds of dollars on an outfit, spend hours doing hair and makeup, and get stuck all night in damn expensive shoes to look hot. men: throw on a shirt and tie, run hands through hair, good to go. Not.Fair.

2) The term "slut," which can mean anything from "how dare you have multiple partners?" to "how dare you reject me?"

3) What the hell am I supposed to do with a plastic pink kitchen set and an E-Z Bake Oven as a kid? Be domesticated by age 4? May I have the Lego's and G.I. Joe toys now?

4) There is something deeply wrong and troubling about this culture that women are expected to actually be able to stand on shoes that are supported by a thin stick the size of a pencil. Really? All my weight is supposed to go on that? Explain please...

5) Longer lines at the bathroom. Every time. It kills ya, doesn't it.

6) Thong underwear, and the fact that it exists.

7) Think about the last movie you saw where an average-looking guy experienced some sort of crisis that challenged him to rise above who he was before and save the day and his loved ones. I can think of about ten right off the bat.

Now think about the last time you saw an average-looking woman experience some sort of crisis that challenged her to rise above who she was before and save the day and her loved ones. Think hard. If you count Jodie Foster movies, the number goes up, but so far I've only got one in mind (here's a hint: it's an older horror movie that is absolutely brilliant and very well-known.)

8) Most lingerie.

9) Ah, the competitiveness of women against other women. Someone once asked what the world would look like if it was ran by women instead of men. To which I say: it would look a lot like high school. ::shudder::

10) Eye-lash curlers and other torture devices sneakily designed as helpful makeup tools. Not cool, guys...and I'm on to you... and I'm coming for you...


jenn said...

haha i love this :)

Sarah Alaoui said...

#9 says it all.

Lira Kellerman said...

Ooooh, girl, I am going to absolutely disagree with you on how the world would be like high school if women ruled the world.
A lot of women are catty when vying for the affections of another male, usually for wealth and STATUS. If we women had universal power, you'd see a lot more humanity and fewer problems. Think about it.
And just one example of women ruling: The Transitional Living Center for Abused Women and Children.
Conceived of and ran by women. Oh, and RAINN. I cluck my tongue at you.

Annie said...

LOL, love this list!!

krista said...

i love lira's point.
but i don't tend to disassociate with so much more ease. women can be ruthless.

Gwen said...

Totally agree with you on all 10 items!!! You hit this one right on!!!

BTW...I love your new profile photo!!! You are gorgeous!!! XOXO

kathleen said...

Oh, snap. I could not have said it better myself. I think I love you. Too soon? :)

drollgirl said...

i am so sorry to say that all of this is RIGHT!!! it is hard being a chick, but i know i would never make it as a dude. ever.

Dave said...

Women ruthless?....never! :)

Iva Messy said...

so funny! LOL

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