So last night, after a week or so of over-sensitivity, rage, insecurity, and neediness (sometimes I would literally go from one emotion to the next in about five seconds), I ended up breaking down in the middle of a PetCo parking lot for no apparent reason, then narrowly avoided the Halloween Candy aisle while grocery shopping (why? Why would you do that, people?! It's freakin' AUGUST) only to cave in when I saw ice cream sandwiches on sale.
When I got home, the groceries weren't even unpacked before I had devoured an entire ice cream sandwich in three bites.
So to celebrate, um, monthly happenings and other things, I thought I'd come up with a top ten list of the worst things about being a girl. But in the interest of fair and balanced blogging, tomorrow you'll get the ten BEST things about being a female...if I can even narrow it down to ten, because being a woman (most of the time) rocks.
Anyways, here we go:
1) women: can spend upwards of hundreds of dollars on an outfit, spend hours doing hair and makeup, and get stuck all night in damn expensive shoes to look hot. men: throw on a shirt and tie, run hands through hair, good to go. Not.Fair.
2) The term "slut," which can mean anything from "how dare you have multiple partners?" to "how dare you reject me?"
3) What the hell am I supposed to do with a plastic pink kitchen set and an E-Z Bake Oven as a kid? Be domesticated by age 4? May I have the Lego's and G.I. Joe toys now?
4) There is something deeply wrong and troubling about this culture that women are expected to actually be able to stand on shoes that are supported by a thin stick the size of a pencil. Really? All my weight is supposed to go on that? Explain please...
5) Longer lines at the bathroom. Every time. It kills ya, doesn't it.
6) Thong underwear, and the fact that it exists.
7) Think about the last movie you saw where an average-looking guy experienced some sort of crisis that challenged him to rise above who he was before and save the day and his loved ones. I can think of about ten right off the bat.
Now think about the last time you saw an average-looking woman experience some sort of crisis that challenged her to rise above who she was before and save the day and her loved ones. Think hard. If you count Jodie Foster movies, the number goes up, but so far I've only got one in mind (here's a hint: it's an older horror movie that is absolutely brilliant and very well-known.)
8) Most lingerie.
9) Ah, the competitiveness of women against other women. Someone once asked what the world would look like if it was ran by women instead of men. To which I say: it would look a lot like high school. ::shudder::
10) Eye-lash curlers and other torture devices sneakily designed as helpful makeup tools. Not cool, guys...and I'm on to you... and I'm coming for you...