screwing with your work productivity...

Rules of Thumb

warning:

a) this website is totally, totally addictive, particularly for random info junkies like myself; and

b) some of these people actually know what they are talking about, and some of them don't. Take the rules of thumb with a grain of salt and then go forth into the world and spread your newly acquired esoteric knowledge.

Have a great weekend, everyone!!

Wake me up when September ends...

So one of you, I think it was my beloved JMarls (who writes beautifully, by the way...go check out her blog if you appreciate a little creative writing in your blog dashboards) asked what I actually said to those poor unfortunate kids who were stuck listening to me for five whole minutes at a youth conference in LA over Labor Day weekend, after they'd spent the day getting all hyped up on the glitz and glamour of Hollywood at Universal Studios and Grauman's Chinese Theater, and I figured...meh. Maybe I should share.

It's just that I've been in a quiet mood lately, as you might notice with the light posting last week, and then I had a full and busy and wonderful weekend with many, many pics that I will post, and now I'm back on Monday and my head is spinning a little and I'm feeling a very strong urge to burrow and then nap for the rest of September.

I also really didn't want or feel like blogging on 9/11 because everyone's got their stories to share, so maybe the quiet was just a little bit more than usual because it is what it is when you really come down to it. I know that sounds all zen/vague but I can't really sit here and wax poetic about something that still burns so fiercely in all of our hearts and pretend we don't all wince just a little bit when someone mentions it. It's the bullet in the room, and every time it's mentioned it kind of goes zinging around and then you're left feeling sad about why you're still sad and angry about why you're still angry. I don't know, maybe the point is that we're not supposed to ever stop feeling sad or angry.

Anyways. Back to my youth event/pep talk/spiritual kick in the butt, because I'd much rather use this blog to move forward than to look back.

Labor Day weekend, Santa Monica: So I'm holding a microphone OH THE POWER in front of 90 or so kids Saturday night and I'm thinking, What would I have liked to hear when I was their age? What would I have wanted someone to tell me about spirituality in Hollywood? Or in general?

So I told them what I thought they might like to hear. I said, "What I would have liked to hear when I was your age is that spirituality and religion help you get everything you want."

I paused as the kids nodded enthusiastically, then went on to say: "And that's absolutely NOT TRUE."

Their faces fell. I have to admit, I felt a little bad. But I wanted to give them something that had never been given to me when I was a teenager contemplating my bad ass spiritual self. I wanted to give them honesty, and perspective. Two things that most teenagers royally suck at. Most adults do as well, and no, I'm not excluding myself, have no fear. I suck as much as everyone else, I just blog about it.

FYI, I'll just clarify right now: I enjoy using the words "spirituality" and "spiritual" much more than I enjoy using the words "religion" or "religious." Spirituality to me connotes open-minded questioning yummy goodness... when people tell me they are "super-religious" I think close-minded, found-my-answers-thank-you-very-much-not-interested-at-all-in-growing. You might disagree, and feel free to (politely and respectfully) beg your argument on this blog. I'm just letting you know what language I use so we don't get all lost in translation.

So this is what I said to those kids and adults grouped together in that small room, a stone's throw from the sunset soaked Santa Monica beach:

Don't use your spirituality to get what you want.

Spirituality isn't selfish. It's not Me-driven, it's growth-driven. If you're going to pray to a god or gods, why are you only interested in blessing yourself? Spirituality is NOT The Secret -- it's not there to use when you want more crap, like that sports car or better job or nice jewelry. Spirituality is based upon an agreement of service, of giving to others without asking for anything in return, in the spirit of GIVING vs the spirit of GETTING. We are a very getting culture.

I remember hearing someone say once that if you pray to God for a better job, and you then receive a better job, but you have not yet learned to love your neighbor better, then you should consider that prayer to have gone unanswered. Because in the end, it's not the cars or jobs or paychecks that allow us to lift up our own thoughts and lives and the thoughts and lives of others, it is our love for each other.

God lifts up those who lift up each other.

So with more personal stories and less soapbox, this is what I said to those kids, because I really would have liked someone to say that to me when I was nineteen and praying to book that audition or for that boy to like me and I really didn't care how much I loved other people or what that had to do with me getting absolutely everything I ever wanted and feeling smug in the notion that God would deliver all of it if I was a Really Good Person. I didn't understand it then. I wish I had.

So I gave what I had to offer to that room in Santa Monica that night, I gave them my gift, for them to forget or discard or remember or treasure, and I told them that in the spirit of service, of pure, un-needing love, for them to go into any career, not just acting, and show up every day, to every audition, meeting, handshake, Starbucks purchase, job interview, whatever, and look someone in the eye and say, "Here's what I have to give. Can you use it?"

And if they can't use it, no harm, no foul, let it go, someone else can use it, because we all have purpose when we decide to live our lives so that our love may shine through, regardless of which (if any) religion it shines with.

And if you're feeling all preached to or judged right now, rest assured: no one needs to learn this lesson more than I do. It is the lessons we most need to learn that we best teach to others.

Have a fantastic Monday, and I'll catch you guys tomorrow with So.Many.Photos it will make your head explode. No seriously. Heads.Exploding.Everywhere.

checking expectations at the door

"The only gift is giving to the poor; all else is exchange." -- Thiruvalluvar

I actually don't quite agree with this quote, being someone who has (and still does) give cash and food out to homeless people, as I've been guilty in the past of having a very clear expectation about what response I would receive from these people and where I wanted them to spend their new-found money.

Yeah. I know. This blog is not about me claiming to be an awesome person. I'm a work in progress.

At any rate, if you give somebody a gift -- even if you don't expect that person to ever give you back anything -- if you still have expectations, any, WHATSOEVER, about how this person should react, what amount of gratitude (s)he should feel, or what (s)he should do with this gift... then, my friend, you did not just give a gift. You did what I am terming "throw a party."

For example: Giving to a person in need (or refusing to give to a person in need because you think (s)he will just waste the money on alcohol, drugs, etc.) and then expecting him or her to do something specific with the money or gift.

"Giving"a friend a gift with an expectation that you will receive something back (i.e. how a lot of people practice the holidays)

Hosting an event, much like I did this weekend, for people to attend, and then fretting about whether or not anyone will show up. That was me this weekend, throwing a youth event for my church, giving a gift for everyone to enjoy, and then letting my ego dance circles around me and cause me to worry whether or not anyone would show up.

When I worried about these things out loud to the speaker of the event (one of my favorite human beings on this planet) he said to me, "You're not throwing a party. You're giving a gift. It doesn't matter how many people show up and partake of this gift. This is its purpose and you cannot screw it up unless you lose sight of why you are doing this in the first place."

Ah-ha. Sometimes it feels like we never leave high school, doesn't it.

At any rate, I took this wonderful, inspiring, youth-oriented event and stepped about four steps away from it so that my ego was safely detached, then enjoyed the entire process and event from a place of acceptance, love, and true gifty-ness. No exchanges or expectations -- whatever people wanted to get out of it, however people received this gift -- was no longer my responsibility. My only job was to witness how freakin' awesome the universe is once you resign as general manager of it.

So much better than great expectations (whether filled, unfulfilled, or Charles Dickens' writing)

Who's ready for April 15th, 2010?

Hi everyone! Did you all survive Tax Day? Yes? And did you all get your taxes done early, made sure to include all those nifty receipts that you kept diligently throughout the year, got all the write-offs you were supposed to get, didn't owe too much to the US government and sat back and relaxed on Tax Day?

No? Well then do I have a blog for you.

Now, there are some things you should know about me. For one, I don't claim to be good at something that I'm not. This is why you won't be reading any cute blogs about me successfully ice skating, playing darts, juggling, or skate boarding. Let's face it, there's just something about that pesky hand/eye/foot coordination thing which I am utterly lacking in, so it's a good thing I play with knives and sticks twice a week in my kung fu and escrima classes. Oh wait..

However, there are some things that I am good at. Noticing people's haircuts. Making deviled eggs. Changing the toilet paper roll. Purchasing Toll House cookie dough at the grocery store and then taking credit for the resulting cookie goodness that ensues after baking them in the oven for 9 to 12 minutes. (Incidentally, this is just enough time to watch an episode of Robot Chicken.)

I am also good with money. This is where you come in! (Oh wait, you've been here the whole time? So sorry for the long introduction. I'll add "brevity" to the list of things I'm bad at.)

So I thought I'd offer up some advice, the day after tax day, so that you may use it for next year's tax day. Good habits take a while to build.

First of all, duh: Save all your receipts. Alllll of them. I save all my gas receipts, food receipts, clothing, books, shoes, car repair, whatever. Use them for tax write-offs, and then use them to balance your checkbook. This is much easier than whatever other way people use to balance their checkbooks. And when you write actual checks (online billing is usually free and saves trees, but sometimes you have to write that check) the date, amount, and whom it was paid to should be written on the back of your checkbook. Separate immediately, not on April 12th, which receipts and bills you will be using for tax write-offs and which receipts and bills just need to be filed. Remember, if it's going with your taxes as backup, you need to keep it for seven years.

Second, and hang with me here, because I feel for you: If you have multiple jobs, like I do, (I know this is hard, but you HAVE to do it) ask for the maximum amount to be taken out for taxes for every paycheck. I know, I know. If you have multiple jobs, it's probably because you need all the money you can get. But have you noticed something? That maybe, after you've worked your butt off at multiple jobs throughout the year, come tax day, you...owe the government money? Does that seem fair?

Here's why. Because the government is looking at your paychecks one at a time. All they see is each paycheck individually, and they see that it's probably a small amount (otherwise why would you need multiple jobs?) so they take out less taxes because it looks like you are in a lower tax bracket. But if you do this with several jobs, each time the government assuming you are in the lowest tax bracket and taking out the smallest amount, you end up adding up all those jobs (and all that money) at the end of the year, and your income probably pushes you into a higher tax bracket that the government had no way of knowing you would qualify for. So you get screwed, because the government didn't take out enough taxes from your paychecks.

How to fix that? Talk to your employer, tighten up your $5 a day latte factor, and ask them to take out more money per paycheck. You'll thank me when it comes time to file your taxes next year.

And if you are well off, paying all the bills and still able to put some money into savings after every paycheck? Do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I just told those multiple jobbers to do. Have the least amount of money taken out of your paycheck and when you are done paying your bills put whatever you have left in your account (minus your allowance money for fun stuff and money to cover inconsisent expenses like food and gas) into savings right away, as in, by the end of the pay week. And here' s why it will work for you: because when you get a refund after tax day from the government, what you essentially did was loan the US money for a year, without getting any interest from it. That's a sucky loan to give to someone when you could have taken that money, put it into savings (try ING -- still a good interest rate in their savings accounts!), let it accrue interest and then pay the government what you owe while keeping the interest that the money earned you.

Got it? Yay! Money is fun! Taxes are...tolerable!

Los Angeles vs New York

I thought I'd take a break from the relentless plugging of Hell Froze Over to offer you, my readers, some lovely insights into how LA works. And this came about in a very surprising way; namely, a casual friend of mine from New York called me during the holidays a few months ago, in despair, and asked if I could give her some career advice. I'll call her Miss New York, because she is totally and completely a New Yorker in every way.

My first thought, honestly, was that she was insane. Not because she was asking me for advice -- I give advice all the time, and not always asked for, but I have been told I'm a good listener and I like to think that I'm an almost-wise-sage-in-training. At least, that's what I tell myself as I notice my zen pep-talks gathering to a crescendo around the 20 minute mark. But I was astonished that Miss New York was asking ME for advice -- because this is a girl who is drop dead gorgeous, has a ton more contacts and opportunities than I do in the industry at this time, and oh yeah, her modeling picture (done by a famous photographer, naturally) is hanging in the Hollywood Arclight right now.

Readers, if you ever hear me blog about MY picture hanging in the Arclight, it's probably my driver's license that was left in a woman's bathroom stall and now it's posted on the Lost and Found wall. I rest my case.

But I agreed to meet with her over coffee, wondering what I could possibly offer her besides a four minute "Don't worry, it'll get better" speech and maybe an awkward "I haven't known you very long" hug. So there I sat, in the coffee house, checking text messages as Miss New York collapsed into the chair opposite me and told me that she didn't understand Los Angeles and was thinking of quitting and going back to New York.

"Don't do that," I said automatically, because it breaks my heart to see people I care about feel broken by this city.

"But LA is so different," she said, and I nodded sympathetically, having no idea what she meant. So I thought about it, and asked.

"What do you mean, LA is different? How is New York different from LA?"

"In New York, it's all business. If you're not on the ball and totally professional, showing up early to business meetings and looking completely polished and put together, you don't get work. That city will chew you up and spit you out if you don't know what you're doing."

I thought about LA, with the hoards and legions of actors and actresses and producers and directors and writers who show up to auditions and meetings late, dirty, frazzled and clearly have no idea what they are doing. New York IS different, apparently.

"So what's the problem with you being in LA? I figure that if you're more professional than most of the other actors out there, you'll blow the competition away," I pointed out.

Miss New York nodded. "That's what I thought too. But instead I have to show up to all these parties and network and schmooze and then none of it goes anywhere. And I manage to insult people without really trying."

I thought about this too, and then it occurred to me. So I asked.

"How are your relationships with people?"

She blinked, understandably confused. I repeated my question. Her forehead scrunched. "I guess they're...okay? Do I need relationships with people?"

And suddenly I knew exactly what she needed from me and why I was there. I leaned forward and told her that I was going to tell her a secret, the huge difference between New York and LA. Her eyes widened.

New York is business, I told her. Los Angeles is relationships.

And there you have it. You don't even have to read any more of this blog if you choose not to. But you might want to stick around for the explanation.

New York is business meetings, business lunches, and people are brusque, professional, and don't take things personally. If you audition for someone, you might be a really nice person who goes to church with the director's grandmother, but that doesn't mean you are going to get the part.

In Los Angeles, relationships are everything. There are so many people in this town, so people want to connect, and not feel lonely, and if you cultivate a relationship with an agent or a casting director, then that agent or casting director will start pulling for you and doing their job for you, because they know you. Because there's a relationship. People who move to LA and don't know anyone don't get very far.

Miss New York looked skeptical, so I found another example. "You have some of the most aggressive drivers in the country, right?" She agreed, although we both noted that Boston (::shudder::) is the worst. Well, of course Boston is the worst. If you lived in a city of one way streets that you may never see again if you missed turning onto one of them, you would drive through crosswalks to get to your street too.

I digress.

"But you don't have too much road rage, do you?" I asked. She shook her head no. "Right," I told her. "This is because in LA it's a PERSONAL INSULT when you cut someone off."

Miss New York looked a little alarmed, and I thought to myself, This is probably explaining to her right now why she pisses off people without even trying. And why she probably gets honked at a lot.

So what I thought was going to turn into a twenty minute You Poor Thing conversation turned into a four hour long psychological analysis of how LA operates differently from New York. And it really is all personal. For example, when Miss New York told me that someone let her down by not showing up for an event that they were supposed to work together, she fired off an angry email at that person, and then was surprised that this person didn't want to work with her again. "It wasn't personal," she explained. "That person just did a bad job and I needed to let her know it was unacceptable and unprofessional."

"Right," I said. "However, because you pointed out what she already knew, you turned her guilt into anger, and now not only is she not going to work with you, but she's going to make sure her ten closest friends won't work with you either." Miss New York looked dismayed.

"But I'm the best person for that job!" she said.

"It doesn't matter," I said. "Because it's all about relationships in this town, and you just ended eleven relationships. People you've never even met before don't like you now."

But it wasn't all bad news. We analyzed some stuff Miss New York had done in the past, but we also figured out how she could move forward, repair some relationships (relationships are almost always repairable -- that's the good thing about them) and she learned to not be as blunt or direct as she had been with people who, understandably, take things personally.

We hugged a hug of genuine friendship as she left the coffee house that night, and I have a feeling she'll do just fine in this town. Not because of me, per se. Because Miss New York did her first LA thing when she called me and asked for my advice. She cultivated a relationship and it helped her discover what she couldn't have discovered on her own.

I love LA.