Tuesday, June 29, 2010

gravity sucks

Just a thought here, guys -

After I decided to turn my life upside down and change the way I was doing everything and how I was conducting my relationships, I floated for a good ten days on a pure, exhilarated air of confidence and joy. Then it ended, as it always does, and I was left shaking the dust off my boots and trying to get back to where I once belonged, upset and confused. Did the fact that I was no longer cruising in fifth gear mean that the changes weren't real? Or that they weren't big enough?

It only occurred to me a few days ago that what I experienced is what I like to refer to as a runner's high. If you're a runner, which I am not, (and never will be unless I'm being chased by zombies, or a Tyrannosaurus Rex, or I have a bucket of chili cheese fries being dangled in front of me), you know what I'm talking about. It's this burst of energy that hits at some point in the middle or two thirds of the way through your run and it propels you forward and gives you additional momentum. What it does NOT do is finish the race for you. And it doesn't make the fact that you're running much easier either.

It took me a while to be okay with the fact that I was no longer soaring above and beyond my problems but was instead back down on earth where there was still a crap-load of work to do. I tend to get inspired easily, and, like most artists and Gemini's, feel the weight of what uninspires me pulling me down just as easily. Maintaining that runner's high is difficult because it requires me to keep running in the first place - whereas whenever I have a success I convince myself that the race is over and now I can go home and sleep.

Um, it doesn't work that way.

So if you're going through some hard stuff right now, and honestly, who isn't, and you've just hit a milestone or had a major breakthrough and thought, whew, now the hard work is over, and found yourself slightly crushed when you looked up and noticed that there are still 14 more miles to go...

Well, this post is for you. Because we are all running a hard race and doing the best we can, and the times when we are floating on air because we just did something awesome are definitely worth celebrating. But when you find yourself back on the ground and a little tired and wishing you could be above it all like you used to be...

Just remember that you're doing exactly what you need to do. The only way out is through, and no matter how rad we are (yes, I just used the word rad) we don't get to cruise through life. It takes hard work and guts and showing up and discipline and consistency and patience to get back up from a fall, or come back down from a cloud, and just keep going. You don't need to hang on to those victories and successes because I promise you, there will be more of them.

The only way out is through. And you're exactly where you need to be.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

shameless self promotion

So here's the post where I plug myself for a bit. I'm so sorry, I try not to do it that often, but every once in a while I have to self-promote myself or my blog. Have no worries, I'll shower later to wash off that dirty "I just bragged about myself" feeling. If I'm feeling ambitious, I might even use shampoo AND conditioner.

First and foremost, I am thrilled and more than a little bewildered to report that I have been nominated for The Best Blog about Stuff (really? I blog about stuff? When did I do that?) for the 2010 Blogger's Choice Awards. I was nominated by this lovely girl and so far I have three votes, which is two more than I ever expected to have, considering one of the votes is from myself and my mother was not one of the two other voters.

So if you want to vote for me, please, by all means, go sign in here and vote for me here, but honestly, I'm sort of the Ralph Nader vote because you voting for me means that you know I have no chance in hell of winning but you think I'm just too darn feisty not to vote for.

Want to know who I voted for? In addition to paying The Struggling Actress back some love, I voted for Hyperbole and a Half as The Best Blog of All Time, because it's probably the funniest blog I have come across in the past year and when I read this post I literally laughed so hard I cried. LITERALLY. I'm totally in love with this blogger, don't tell her, k?

Anyways, moving past shock and odd to grateful, I have some awards to pass out, lest you think I'd forgotten.

Both the lovely Heather over at The Dream Machine and the awesome Robin from Your Daily Dose bequeathed to me The Sunshine Award, which is supposed to be given out to people who you feel leave a ray of sunshine on your blog when they comment, which I take to mean that I leave some pretty damn chipper comments on some of your guys' blogs. It looks like this:

(ooooh, pretty...)

I like to think I got this award because I want people to have kind and positive experiences while blogging and a lot our experiences are dictated by the kind of comments we receive. I wouldn't wish on anyone what has happened to some of my friends, which is that they have received rude, snarky, judgmental comments simply because in the blogosphere, people can hide behind their screen names and therefore display piss-poor manners and be internet bullies. I find that kind of stuff just pathetic. So I try to leave bright, positive comments that make bloggers feel loved and worthy, because they are my friends.

I have to pass this award on to some other bloggers that brighten my day too, so here we go:

Alyssa at A Polar Bear's Love Song, because she's my best friend and because she writes blogs with titles like "The Great and Mysterious Lesbian Code."

G.Fox over at And I am Marie of Roumania, because everything she writes I end up nodding my head and thinking, yes, exactly, and I love her spirit and the fact that she has a bigger vocabulary than I do.

Maggi at Maggi's Misadventures, because she always makes me smile and cracks me up with her gentle sarcasm and awesome geeky sense of humor.

Kate, from The Cow Jumped Over the Moon, because I've got a soft spot for people that I can relate to and she's a Boston Bruins and Boston Celtics fan. And yes, she is a silly-pants. ;)

And finally, not that they aren't rays of sunlight on their own, but I'm passing along this award because they both just became fathers for the first time: Jonas at Beyond Wunderman and B.Nagel at the self-titled blog B.Nagel. Congrats, gentlemen. Now go out there and be the coolest fathers ever.

Also, the wonderful Tricia from Talespinning gave me the Versatile Blog Award, and it looks like this:

And since versatile means "changing or fluctuating readily" (I really love that idea, thank you Tricia!) I will pass it along to Krista at My Life as I See It, Robin at Your Daily Dose, and Maggie May at Flux Capacitor - because I have grown and changed along with them and every day they impress me just a little bit more.

Finally: one last self plug, my website. It's now completely updated and online, so if you've ever wondered if I can actually act, or what I look like with Really Good Lighting and Makeup, or how the hell to find the Twitter account that I update once a month, then you're in luck. My website has my professional head shots, my acting reel, and a link to my Twitter account.

Knock yourselves out. I'm officially done talking about myself (exhausting, isn't it?) ;)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

surfacing for air

Hey kids! I'm back! (::cue Beethoven's "Ode to Joy"::)

I hope you've all been well while I've been away... it was a stressful couple weeks but I'm through the worst of it and I'm back to blogging and catching up on everyone else's blogs, HUZZAH.

First and most importantly, a big huge thank you to all of you commenters who trusted me enough to be super honest about the crappy people that are sucking your energy away from you. I am constantly kind of humbled and ever so slightly terrified by how much you guys open up to me and I'm trying my damnedest to be worthy of your trust. I know it's not easy out there with a universe full of clueless people sometimes but I can say, since I pride myself on getting to know just about every one of you, that you are all so strong and kick-ass. It might be hard right now (it still is for me) but I really believe it's gonna get better. So thanks for all your comments that made me laugh, tear up, or really think. You guys are the freakin' coolest.

Second and only slightly less importantly, great white sharks do not attack kayaks very often, for those of you who were worried when you saw that photo in my last post (you can read the full story of that photograph here, no, it's not fake).

And now for the FastPass version of what I was up to while I was away:

1) Celebrated my 200th blog post (I vaguely remember giving my cat my password to blogspot, while face-down on the kitchen floor)

2) Celebrated my birthday - my friends threw a picnic party for me in the park and it was lovely - the highlight was meeting my best friend's two new dogs and Krista's gorgeously adorable little girl, Finn (and seeing Krista for the first time in, oh, five years?)

3) consumed an unnatural amount of red velvet and cream cheese concoctions, including red velvet frozen yogurt, red velvet cupcakes, and a red velvet and cream cheese cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory

4) Was bitten on the face by a kitten while I was trying to use the toilet (no, I'm not making that up)

5) Hit someone in the back of the head with a blueberry that I accidentally launched off my plate at a party (sadly, also not making that up)

6) Tried to carry the neighbor's cat into my mom's house, not realizing it was, in fact, NOT my mother's cat

7) Have been secretly rooting for the Boston Celtics to win the NBA Championship (shhh, don't tell any of my LA partners in crime!)

8) Received "YOU ARE A DOUCHE" business cards for me to leave on cars clearly parked by idiots from this lovely girl as a surprise birthday present

9) Opened up a book given to me by aforementioned best friend only to be facing the poem that has followed me around for the past several years and pops up when I need it most

10) Cooked this with a few minor tweaks (I took out the bacon and smothered the toast with goat cheese) and didn't burn down the apartment OR poison my boyfriend

11) Received some very cool blog awards from Robin at Your Daily Dose, Heather from The Dream Machine, and Tricia over at Talespinning - thank you ladies, I will pass these along shortly!

12) considered tossing the book I'm reading for my Sci-Fi book club across the room

13) Have been playing this album over and over again as my summer chill-out album, particularly tracks 1, 4, and 9

14) Saw a BMW delivering Pizza Hut pizza (how LA is that??)

15) Bought this and this for myself with some birthday money.

k, off to catch up on your lives! ::hugs!!::

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Guest blogger - Mocha the cat

Hi everyone.

I'm Tracy's cat, Mocha. Some of you might have noticed that Tracy's been missing for the last couple days from the blogosphere, no, I haven't eaten her, I RESENT THAT.

Sorry, calm again.

Anyways, Tracy came home sometime last week freaking out that she had several huge projects dumped on her lap by a client and that since she was taking Friday off from work to celebrate her birthday she was gonna fall even more behind. And on top of that, this was going to be her 200th blog post and she just couldn't handle the pressure.

Which is when she collapsed into a heap on the kitchen floor, sobbing hysterically while simultaneously eating an entire tub of hummus. Two words for you, people: WHINER.

So I told her that if she shut up and fed me I'd write her extra-special 200th blog post for her, and lo and behold, here we are. Except that there is a lot of pressure to writing someone's 200th blog post because it's supposed to be cool and exciting and blow people's minds.

Anyways, I decided to post ten pictures of things that I thought people might find cool and that I know Tracy is passionate about so I could kill two birds with one stone.


Hope you like it. Tracy will be back sometime next week with lots of stories. She waves hi from the kitchen floor.

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