Wednesday, January 30, 2013

You are loved. Act like it.

You know those things you don't do, because you're afraid they won't work out? 

I'm not talking about wandering into traffic, but the Big Stuff - asking the Big questions, making the Big move, taking the Big leap of faith, running towards the Big life - the things we'd like to do to make our lives Bigger and more full of grace and breathing room, but we hesitate because it's damn hard work that requires an extraordinary amount of courage and inertia. And you know how there's no guarantees, and you might just face-plant in front of everyone and it might require that you face-plant a hundred or a thousand ways before you figure out how to stick the landing?

Do it anyway.

Paint that painting or open that art gallery or be the one who says "I love you" first to the person who makes your heart go thump thump thump or choose to have a baby or choose to not have a baby or decide to make the first move or decide to quit that job that makes you miserable or decide to pack up the kids and spouse and travel the world. Do it.

Do it because you're loved, by whatever name you choose to call it, God, gods, Allah, Buddha, the Universe, the Great Nothingness, the Colors of the Wind, whatever. You are loved. You were loved into existence by something Pretty Damn Big.

Act like it.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

start again

...pretty sure this is going to be my manifesto for 2013. 

amplified stillness (start again) | buddy wakefield

i choose to end the compulsive habit of thinking and
speaking insecurities. these are not my insecurities. they
were habitual thoughts passed down to me. the
foundation i’ve lain for myself is noble and true of heart
and must be treated as such, with compassion and clarity.

i choose to be quiet and let forthcoming answers reveal
themselves without manipulation. the hyper
intellectualization, wordiness, passion and superlatives
(which have often driven the engine in my ego) serve to
fuel distortions of a happy life, or burn up happiness
altogether. i choose to not put another log on that fire.

i choose patience under pressure.
i choose to stay present, to unlearn how to unlove,
to love, and to practice my worthiness of it.
i choose equanimity.

i breathe deep into the center of my heart.
i surround myself with friends and professionals
achieving like-minded success.

i am led to consistently speak with good purpose, react as
a gentleman, not instigating or projecting any foul thing,
and to not internalize the negativity of others so that my
presence is constantly powered by goodwill and grace.
lead me to right choices and right action, not to
participate in any lies about love, and to leave helpful
writing on the wall so that i might pull the next one up.
lead me to pull the next one up with real peace in my
spirit, humor in my peace, and this spinal cord i bummed
off a cephalopod. jus’ kiddin’, cephalopods don’t have
spinal cords. they are bilaterally symmetrical though, and
they collectively possess nearly every super power known
to man, including shape-shifting, pseudo-morphing and
possible teleportation.

i choose to savor this moment.
i choose ending knee-jerk reactions to that which i deem
negative, including parking enforcement, cilantro and the
back-up beep on commercial vehicles. for that matter,
there is no need to knee-jerk-react to the positives either.
enjoying them is enough.

i choose an unassuming nature.
i choose to be held accountable.

thank you for the vast experiences with which this life has built me.
i am thankful for what is being built.
i know it to be a fine building.
it does not stand in vain
even when it’s riddled with mirrors.

thank you for the serenity prayer, and the courage to
follow through with right action, with listening, with
learning and with stillness.

i choose to release my hope for a better past, to discontinue
boasting past glories, and to not justify any poor choice
with having lived a hard life.

i choose to speak with kindness and acceptance, even to myself.
i choose to be unapologetic for healthy living.
i choose to be unapologetic for living.

i choose to politely ask myself to step aside if i am in my own way.
if i do not get out of my own way, i choose to call a friend
who will have me removed.

i choose to observe how i may best serve today, and then do so.
i choose to better understand service and to live less selfishly.
i choose the nature of giving not greed, stability not
desperation, safe passage as opposed to craving and

i witness gifts in the lives around me.
you really are incredible, ya know.
good gravy just look at ya.

i choose big me big you.
i choose chin up, best foot forward, stick my landings.
i choose a safe place to land.
i choose feeding myself joy over beating myself up.
i choose not to beat myself up if i trail off course, rather,
gently redirect my breath so that these standards i’ve
accepted for myself are not buried under any unnecessary
weight of any perceived shortcoming.

“i choose to not let come out of my mouth that which
would contradict the blessing that is happening in my
life.” – michael bernard beckwith

i’m giving myself a break.
i choose to be enough.
no more ten thousand hours of more more more.
not by force.
this work will not save me.
i release me.
go and have some fun.

i’ve spent so much energy becoming better.
i choose to now live with the better, to yield to the better, to
show you the better, and to let the rest unfold.
i will show up every day.
my failures have led to successes.
it is a time for practicing these successes, and for rest, and for clear reception.

i may make no decision based on panic.

lead me away from telling lies, exaggerating truths,
bragging, or manipulating people’s perceptions of me.
these are disservices to my practice.

i choose to breathe all known and forthcoming truths at
once, deeply and consistently, inhaling and exhaling
reassurance and understanding, joy and equanimity,
wonderment and revelation, acceptance and integrity,
commitment and flexibility, balance and ownership,
staying present with the moment, observing my
environment, yielding to all that is.

and when i do not do all of these things forever without
fail, may i be banished to an unforgiving lake of lava shit
for the devil’s fat eternity.

…or, treat myself to a good meal, some sound sleep, and
another deep breath.
…or, call mom, tell her what’s goin’ on, and agree with
anything she might say just to know that i have a mother.

i release my need to be right.

i know that this is the key to living life as is.
i choose as is.
let god be god.
and let me be still
until thy will is revealed.

nothing is against me.


Happy new year, everyone. Clean slate, clear eyes, full heart, can't lose.  - Tracy
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