Thursday, April 4, 2013

National Poetry Month, Part 1! And other things.

April is National Poetry Month, and is also now known as the only month where I get in a post a week. I don't know, it just seems so much easier to copy and paste someone else's beautiful words onto my blog than to find where my own words fit. And I can't tell if it's because I'm doing too little to blog about, or too much. Sometimes it feels like both at the same time. I wonder if anyone else feels like they work really hard while they're still just running in place. I feel like I'm never quite moving at the speed of the rest of the world - it's either going to fast for me, or too slow.

I think that's where gratitude comes in. Gratitude aligns us, grounds us, forces us to become more present with the tempo of the world again. And lately I've been royally bad at it. So back to the drawing board I go - I started journaling again, under the heading Five Smooth Stones, about five things I'm grateful for each day, so that I can start to slay the Goliath that is selfishness and regret and that last one, that last little thief of joy, Comparison. Comparison, you really suck sometimes. I want to punch you in the face sometimes.

I got new acting head shots (which I'll share in a few weeks), and I've been helping out with a family wedding (my family considers me a mini-expert, having just gotten married last October. Shhhh, don't tell them I made it up as I went along.)  I started attending acting class again, and attending yoga again, and attending church again, and all that attendance is quite tiring, I have to tell you. I've been good about taking care of others, and crappy about taking care of myself. Looks like I'm in it for the long haul with that last lesson. I updated my acting reel, shot a short film, updated my website, updated my IMDB acting page, and I'm looking at going to acting workshops within the next month or so. I am busy, busy, busy. And I am tired, tired, tired. But I'm learning that gratitude is a verb too.

Now let's give some other people a turn.

the world is heavy
but your bones
(just a cubic inch)
can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce
they are stronger than steel
atom for atom
you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died
so that you may live
you need to remember these things
when you say that you are weak
and worthless

for my mother when she doesn’t feel beautiful 

don’t worry about your body.
it isn’t as small as it once was,
but honestly, the world needs more of you.
you look in the mirror
like you’ve done something wrong,
but you look perfect.
anyone who says otherwise is telling a lie
to make you feel weak.
and you know better.
you’ve survived every single day,
for as long as you’ve been alive.
you could spit fire if you wanted.

the loneliest job in the world 

as soon as you begin to ask the question, who loves me?
you are completely screwed, because
the next question is how much?
and then it is hundreds of hours later,
and you are still hunched over
your flowcharts and abacus,
trying to decide if you have gotten enough.
this is the loneliest job in the world:

to be an accountant of the heart.
it is late at night. you are by yourself,
and all around you, you can hear
the sounds of people moving
in and out of love,
pushing the turnstiles, putting
their coins in the slots,
paying the price which is asked,
which constantly changes.
no one knows why.

we have not come to take prisoners

We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,
From anything 
That may not strengthen 
Your precious budding wings.
Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely 
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision 
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
"O please, O please,
Come out and play."

For we have not come here to take prisoners,
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom and

by Hafez


Robin said...

I know what you are saying about Gratitude. I am making a conscious effort to say out loud first think when I awake, "Thank you God for each minute of this day. Thank you." I think it is helping. It is simple, but it is a good way to begin the day. I needed to change my frame of mind, too.

Bathwater said...

All that attending would make me tired too. Staying busy and being tired are usually good things. I miss your comments.

Marion said...

Excellent poetry choices, Phoenix. I know it's National Poetry Month, but it's National Poetry Month EVERY DAY at my place. Tee-hee. Happy Spring!! I can't wait to see your gorgeous new mug shots. ;-) Love & Hugs!!! xoxo

JJ said...

I am grateful for every moment of every day.I am grateful for this post. Thank you.

Unknown said...

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drollgirl said...

girl, you are so busy that you make my head spin! and you make me realize how NOT busy i am! you GET IT DONE. i am lazy and i get SOME stuff done. i guess the key to life is getting enough done and making enough time for oneself, too. tricky!!!! ;)

Strayer said...

I love the poem by Tony Hoagland. It's right on. I've spent too much time, I think, in life, counting and subtracting my hearts' assets. I quit. We're all fuck ups, in our way. May as well kick back then and enjoy and quit trying to make something of myself. (being silly)

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