Wednesday, March 17, 2010

well, well, well...

Look who disappeared from blogging for two weeks and then has the nerve to come crawling back... (Oh wait, that's me.)

Hi guys!

Life has been, uh, interesting, for the past couple weeks and I honestly didn't get many chances to post much...nor did I really want to. You see, on top of all the other crazy stuff that is going on in my life, which includes but is not limited to financial problems, family health emergencies, friendships exploding in my face, errands and duties to do now that I've been tapped to be in a friend's wedding as a bridesmaid (where I get to walk down the aisle with my ex, no, I'm not kidding) and a client's crisis landing in my lap to deal with (yes, all of this happened in the last two weeks... I can take one day at a time but when they all attack at once I get my ass kicked) I got...The Phone Call.

Now, mind you, I'm getting about four to five hours of good sleep these days. When my life is spontaneously combusting, my mind does not shut off and rest and relax for a good 8 hours at night. No. It runs over possibilities and anxieties and worries again and again and again, like a damn marathon runner in my brain. My skin gets a little thinner, my temper a little shorter, and suddenly I find myself crying during Dr. Who re-runs or having a freak out attack because Trader Joe's is out of my favorite ice cream sandwich. I need that ice cream sandwich to cope with life, dammit.

So my mother called me early last Thursday morning while I was still in bed, and the conversation went something like this:

Phone rings. I pick it up.

Me: Mrghghgsmmmhello?

Mom: Tracy. How are you?

Me: Mrghghmmmokay?

Mom: Is there something going on? Something you'd like to tell me?

Me: ::blinks:: What?

Mom: Is there something that you haven't told me yet?

Me: Uh.... I'm getting a tattoo?

Mom: About you and Benni?

Me: (briefly wonders in my sleep-deprived state if I'm pregnant and my mom somehow found about it before I did. Dismisses the idea, moves on.) Um...

Mom: Are you and Benni engaged?

Me: What?! No. No, we are not engaged. (turns over to a sleeping Benni in bed beside me and fights the urge to whisper, did we get engaged last night and I completely forget? How many root beers did I have last night?)

Mom: Oh. You're not engaged.

Me: NO! No, we're not. Where did you get that idea?

Mom: We-ll....

So it turns out that someone who reads this blog (and yes, I know who it is, and no, I'm not naming them here) read my last post, the following sentence in my last post, to be precise:

"So blogging is going to be light this week because I'm up to my eyeballs in work AND I'm in the final days of getting ready to throw my friends an engagement party this weekend ( I promise I'll take pictures - the theme is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!)"

and decided it meant that Benni and I were engaged. And then decided to call my immediate family and tell them that I was engaged. Which immediately set my brothers and mother off as they were sure (and rightly so) that if I ever DO get engaged they will not find out from someone else who read my blog that one time.

Isn't life cute?

So my life officially went to Defcon 1 at that point, and I sort of walked away from the blog for a little bit. Because if you think you love firing up your computer and sitting down to write another blog post because the coolest, funniest, most awesome thing just happened to you... try sitting in front of a blank screen, feeling like whatever you write will be used against you to f*&k with your personal life. It's considerably less thrilling.

Now, here's the thing: I have a public blog. I'm fully aware that I have a public blog, that I do not use a pseudonym, that I post pictures of myself and use the real names of my friends, family and loved ones. This comes with consequences... it always does. I don't moderate comments, anyone can find this blog if they Google search me or go through my website...and for the most part, this has worked out totally fine. My reasoning is, if I blog like an adult and treat my followers and commentators like adults, the drama will be at a minimum. And although I'm sure there will come a day when that reasoning blows up in my face, today is not that day.

So if 99.8 percent of the time I get nothing but coolness from everyone, and .2 % of the time things go a little haywire, I'm fine with that. It was just the most excellent display of I Really Don't Need This Right Now that I've seen in awhile.

And please, please, from a (mostly) adult blogger to her (mostly) adult followers and commentators: don't take the time or energy to guess who this person is or say something crappy about them in the comments section. They were made aware of their mistake, they feel awful. Life goes on.

Last Sunday I was telling someone I respect quite a bit about this whole incident and she just sighed and said, "As human beings we will spend the rest of our lives accidentally hurting each other's feelings." And I nodded, because I did that this past week too, I hurt someone deeply simply by opening my mouth and using what I thought were totally innocuous words, but they hit a nerve and someone I cared about was a little wounded. Right now I'm a little wounded too. It hurts that someone scanned my blog, leaped to a very important and very incorrect conclusion, then felt the need to alert my family and cause more chaos and bad communication.

We will spend the rest of our lives accidentally hurting each other's feelings. So instead of holding ourselves back or giving up on others, we learn to forgive ourselves, and forgive each other, and know that tomorrow is another chance to get a little bit closer to becoming the person we want to be.


B. Nagel said...

She's back!! Crazy things happen on that there internet. Sorry for the kerfluffle.

So far, I've been lucky enough not to encounter any trolls or flamewars on my blog. But, like you say, it's a decision that we make, a useful social construct that says "I'll be nice to you, you be nice to me." Sometimes that backfires. Sometimes it works.

Here's hoping that the construct doesn't deconstruct too often.

Lira said...

Phoenix, this is the most beautiful blog about forgiveness I've ever read. We're human, we make mistakes. What a gift you are to all your readers. <3

maggisaar said...

I swear, those phone calls from moms are the worst. "Oh, hello, it's barely 7AM and I'm going to wake you up and somehow guilt trip/freak you out/make you cry/yell at you/or be super depressed and not call you back all day, just to mess with you.


I have a strong feeling my blog is spied on by coworkers, and I honestly don't care. I have nothing to hide and am not going to damage myself by posting anything hurtful or stupid. I also know my Twitter account was spied for a long, long time before I made it private and went on with life. I'm not bothered by this at all. Honestly, I don't care.

The thing is, people are going to spy or take what you say the wrong way and it will come back to bite you in the ass, no matter how silly it is. So we deal with it, and we move on.

I've missed your blogging, by the way. :)

Kris said...

HAHA! As if you would throw YOUR engagement party for YOUR friends. THAT'S FOR YOU DAMMIT! haha

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Holy smokes. I am surprised you don't spontaneously combust inside the Trader Joe's. What a lesson for everyone here. That was quite a boo boo to make and I hope one day it will make great fodder for family stories...hopefully. Makes you wonder though if they would have called had it been something less light hearted than being engaged?

But you are so right about forgiveness.

Another great post. Hope you get a good night's sleep~!

drollgirl said...

wah. i am so sorry this happened. i have accidentally hurt many, many feelings, and i am a sensitive sally and have had it happen to me more times than i can count. and i am shedding a tear right now (NO JOKE -- sheezus, what is wrong with me?!). i must be in sentimental sally mode. argh.

i am glad you forgave and made peace with this, and hopefully everybody lives and learns from it. i sure hope so!

Heather Taylor said...

You're back! Woo-hoo!
I'm very guilty of wording what I say to others the wrong way ("word vomit" from Mean Girls, bigtime) so this post spoke to me. I love the last paragraph you wrote and forgiveness in general.

Bathwater said...

I am all for totally shutting out family and friends from the blog!

Whenever I let one read it turns into a big mistake! Besides it sounds like we "outsiders" miss out on half the good stuff because you have to be careful not to step on their toes :).

I hope things settle down for you and that you can tell us all about it sometime in the future.

Jenn said...

welcome back - and you're totally right. sometimes people read things the wrong way & run off telling people before they know the entire story. blogging makes us more prone to that happening, but...forgiveness is key. :)

Robin said...

I just want to give you a big old hug. Of course, I can't do that. What I can do is send you to my blog. Find the one called AND NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I finally learned how to do an internal link. Click on it. It's the closest I can come. Hang in there!! ((Hugs))

maggisaar said...

RE: Your Comment

Yes, I still positively adore you. Your comment made my face hurt from smiling!

I can understand how hard it is to understand Eddie Vedder. Dear God, Yellow Ledbetter, although beautiful, is impossible to make out. Some songs it is bad, others it works, but his voice is incredible in them.

I'm really glad you are giving them another chance for my sake. That's awesome!

Also, Grilled Cheese in? I'd love to hang out with you much more. (And it's grilled cheese. Hells yes.)


Gwen said...

YAY!!! I thought you were gone forever!!! I love you!!! Please don't ever leave me again. :) XOXO

Miss Anne said...

a) so glad you're back
b) i hate stupid people
c) i hate stupid people who open their mouths.

:) that's all.


Barbara said...

So glad you're back. I missed you. I was hoping you were absent for happy reasons, not complicated ones. Sorry.

Yes, we do hurt others with careless comments. I hope I have a few friends who are as forgiving as you are! Your honesty is why I love reading Res ipsa loquitur. Some of my friends hold grudges forever. Oh well.

I am so grateful my blogging life consists of food and cooking!! I couldn't handle any more crap.

Have fun tonight....sorry you didn't have a chance to bake the cake!

Marion said...

I missed you and I'm soooo glad you're back!!! None of my relatives know I blog. Oh, hell no, not in this family. I can have a dream and my Mama will call me and tell me my sister told her I dreamed about her sleeping with the mailman before I even have my first cup of coffee. They have grapevine intuition! LOL!

You're a doll to be so forgiving. Yes, misunderstandings are famous here in blogland as are soap opera scenarios. But that's life, right? Hang in there and keep those ice cream sandwiches in stock. (My husband just walked in with a big box of Bluebell Ice Cream Sandwiches for me. No kidding!) xoxo, Love & Blessings!!


Hope you had a good blog-break dear...
I simply love stories about forgiveness & hopefully reconciliation...bec at the end of the day none of us are ever perfect~

peace always*

Dave said...

Well, like all the above I'm glad you're back! But am I the only one that got a kick outta you having to walk down the aisle with your ex? Come on! That's classic! And I know it's not nice...but sometimes you gotta screen those calls.

Anonymous said...

I love that quote..that we'll accidentally hurt each other for as long as live. I guess that's a very healthy way to look at things.
I'm so happy you're back!
Stick around lady.

Wine and Words said...

You are hilarious. Can you write my life funnier? It's always so dark from my view.

Purple Cow said...

Girl, you are immune to stupidity because you've been innocuated with HUMOUR! I love your blog!


Don't stop!

Dionne said...

Missed your blogs, hun! I am sorry to hear that things have been sort of crumbling around the edges - that sucks! And wow, what a huge conclusion to jump to on the engagement thing! Wow. I guess the good comes with the bad in the blogging world - but meeting you is definitely one of the good things!

Love you, hun!

nichole said...

I'm sometimes baffled by the craziness that the internet brings out in people. I could publish a book about the crazy emails I get. ;)

Clarity said...

Saw this via phone and couldn't comment until now.

Dear BFF, I am sorry you had a bad time (that midget!) and wish I could have been there to help. Is the family health emergency alleviated?
I couldn't find your email either.

Glad you forgave the mum caller. I do feel a bit sorry for them though as their mistake is now out there online.

Take good care and let me know when to buy a hat - ! Peace, xxx

Clarity said...

P.S. If you want cream eggs, lemme know.

Jaeve + Things said...

This is a great post! You and I are living parallel lives. I went through similar experiences in roughly the same timeframe, but instead of trader joe's ice cream sandwiches, I need popsicles to get through crisis, eh, life in general ;) and instead of the question "are you engaged" it's the "are you getting married YET? you're not getting any younger..." bit and i swear if I get that question one more time I'll slit my wrists! ! ! Just kidding, not really, but I've been pretty frustrated with it. It's uber annoying.

As for you, I think your outlook on things despite all that's come down on you is quite admirable. Really. Love this post! xo

Jaeve + Things said...

PS what tattoo are you getting??? and where, i'll come with! ;)

Carissa said...

whoa! what a story! I've been MIA from blogging/commenting lately but for far less dramatic reasons! sorry you had to go through all that!

funny story, though: last year, I wrote on my blog that I had a secret to tell but couldn't tell it until I told someone else first. well the secret was that I got a tattoo and I had to tell my parents before sharing with the blogworld! but in between posting and actually being able to tell my parents, my mom read my post and called me up and asked if I had gotten engaged!? haha, I was like NO mom, I would just call and tell you that immediately after it happened. mom's are funny. your story reminded me of that...

anyway, welcome back to blogging!

Ida Nielsen said...

Welcome back!!
The internet seems to have gone a little crazy these. Within the last 2 weeks I've read stories about people stealing other people pictures and then making false facebook/twitter profiles as well as people selling other people pictures. Makes me sick!! I'm glad you're so good at forgiving :-)
Oh, and your conversations with your mom cracks me up!! :-D

krista said...

yeah, i don't quite peg you for the girl who admits her engagement on her blog before telling her family. besides, blogs are no place for secrets.
portos soon? i hear they have root beer.
(actually, i haven't heard that. ever. but i know they have pastries.)

Lori ann said...

lira said it best. and i think too, life is too short to not.

love ♥

Maggie May said...

i am stealing ' the most excellent display of Things We Do Not Need Right Now ' you cutie!

akka b. said...

Hey wait ~ is your life my life? I didn't have the drama of getting engaged accidently, but I was tapped to be a bridesmaid in a wedding that's only a couple weeks away (yes my ex is in the bridal party too) and I've been given a really long list of things to accomplish for her in a short amount of time, on top of working and mothering and family issues and health and whatnot.

Are we sisters? ;-D

Angie Muresan said...

Hahaha, that is funny! The call, hmm? Aren't moms a little too much at times? I know I am and my kids always complain. Welcome back!

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