Tuesday, August 16, 2011

mid-air suspension

Do you ever feel two things at once - 1) like you are moving way too fast, and there's way too much happening, for you to be able to really take a step back and assess, and 2) that you're a trapeze artist, swinging from one pole to the other, suspended in mid-air, waiting, waiting for that moment when everything comes into reach...

That's me these days. Things are moving fast, very fast - there's a lot of change, a lot of things happening that I will catch you up on - but other times I am suspended, weightless, in mid-air, waiting, waiting, waiting.

The movement in my life includes the fact that I SUCKED IT UP and bought a beautiful, brand new car (seriously, not a used new car, which are the only kinds of cars I've had all my life, but a NEW new car), and I participated in the LA 48 Hour Film Festival, where each group gets assigned a genre, a prop, a line of dialogue, and a character that must be used, and each team has 48 hours to write it, shoot it, edit it, and deliver it back to the post-production house. We screen tomorrow, and ours is a dark little comedy that I had a leading role in, and I'm very, very happy with my work and how it turned out in general.

I am also planning an event for my church, which I'm really excited about; I increased my work hours at my job, which will mean a slight increase in my income, which is why I sucked it up and bought the car; and I booked the lead in a gritty, low-budget horror movie that's set to shoot in a few weeks, and then literally the moment I wrap the film I'm going up to Yosemite with my family and spending five fantastic days getting zero cell phone service, taking a lot of deep breaths, walking a lot, taking four thousand pictures, and eating my weight in marshmallows.

Movement, indeed. There's a lot going on, a lot of balls up in the air that I'm using every ounce of my not-so-existent coordination to catch, and there's a lot of responsibility on my shoulders to get everything done, and organized, and taken care of.

Frankly, I'm a little burned out.

And then there's the other side of it, where I'm still waiting for movement, inertia, ANYTHING, to move ahead with me getting a theatrical agent in this town, and wanting to go on more auditions, and create more opportunities for acting for myself. And it just feels like it's crawling at a snail's pace. How can one area of my life move so fast and another move so slow? I feel like I'm permanently getting whiplash. Or at least carsick.

But that's me, I'm here, I am getting back into the swing of things and I'm working out more, which means less anxiety, and I finally bought that damn tree-hugging hippy New Age meditation CD which will probably work wonders as soon as I get over myself and open the damn thing. (Remember, I'm from New Hampshire. Robert Frost musing about giving into frostbite is about as sentimental as we get.)

To quote another poet: We're clear, we're ourselves, we're sailing.


Red Shoes said...

All in all, pretty good news, I'm thinking. Most of all, for everything you are wanting to have happen.. be patient. It will come... :o)

What kind of car did you get??


drollgirl said...

i am SO GLAD you got a new car! what a relief! and glad you can afford it!

you have much good news here, and i hope even more good news soon. hang in there. that annoying saying about great things happen to those that wait MUST be true. i sure hope it is! :)

Maggie May said...

you are so rocking it. seriously. i'm proud of you!!

Anthony Duce said...

Like hearing the good stuff you are making happen. All noted here creates movement towards, it seems, where you want to be. Enjoy the new ride.

Ed Pilolla said...

neat about the car. hollywood traffic will be easier on you in a new car. neater -- yes, neater -- about the roles and shows. you say mid-air suspension but something about you smells of success. and i don't just mean money. the best thing i heard is that you are quite happy with your work. artist to artist, don't you love that feeling?

Marion said...

Congrats on the new wheels! I was 35 before I got a new car. What kind did you get? I'm glad things are moving for you. Movement is good. I'm in a horrible state of suspended animation (August is endless here in the South: crippling heat, ravenous horseflies and mosquitoes the size of cats) praying for rain and cooler weather and the will to hang in there. I hope I can make it till September rolls around.

Love & Blessings,

Okie said...

I can definitely relate to life moving too fast and having to juggle too many balls just to keep up...meanwhile watching outside your juggling act to see aspects of your life slowly sitting by the wayside.

All I can say is...keep it up. Try to prioritize the many things you're juggling and do the best you can. No matter what you do, life moves forward, just do your best to influence the forward direction in the way you want to go.

Best of luck. You can do it. :)

rosaria said...

This is actually wonderful news in your business, no? Being in charge of a project is probably the best way to feature what you do and who you are.

Keep it up, do what you like to do even if nobody sees your work. In the big scheme of life, what we do must be fulfilling, or it becomes a form of slavery for sure.

Stay active and creative, and things will work out.

Gwen said...

First of all...congrats on the new car!!! What a relief that must be to you!!!

I love that you get to do these fun films. I know one day I'll get to see shots of them on your True Hollywood Story. :)

So proud of you and while the waiting sucks just remember...everything happens in His time.

Love you!

Bathwater said...

True Hollywood stories? I'll just hope to see you on TV. I'm glad you are very busy and doing good. That is the way it should be.

Two Tigers said...

Hey girl, all in all sounds like good things are happening even though other things are NOT happening, a feeling I know all too well. I chuckled when I read that your two film engagements to report were "a dark little comedy that I had a leading role in" and "a gritty, low-budget horror movie" both of which seem to describe my real life on any given day! Good luck with the new car, and with everything.

Anonymous said...

A body in motion tends to stay in motion.

I picked up a new (old) tune that has helped me. Maybe it will help you. It is called "Stronger" by Kanye West. You may want to give it a listen.

Wine and Words said...

Groovy my sweet friend. I almost contact you to be the actress in a commercial my company is shooting. But I thought better of it. No pay, no lines, and who the hell is gonna watch a blood bank commercial anyway? Ha! But you would have been perfect.

I know what you mean about those balls in the air. If I could juggle, I guess I'd be doing okay. But now, I just trip and fall on all the things I drop.

krista said...

i am definitely feeling the mid-air suspension. i've been there awhile. and i am so excited for your NEW CAR and your VACATION! i would like both of those for christmas, please.

Eric W. Trant said...

I feel like that most days. I say I'm treading water, all work and no progress.

But it sounds like you ~are~ making progress. Impatient progress, but forward steps nonetheless.

You know in golf it's said that any forward progress is a good shot, anything that lands you closer to the hole, even if it sinks in the pond or kills a squirrel in the adjoining woods.

Forward ho and onward and stroke them balls!

Just don't get burned out. Allow yourself some downtime and a few shank shots that can never be recovered.

You have permission.

I took permission myself this week to be down, but I only lasted through Thursday.

So it goes and again I swing. I changed analogies from swimming to golf but effit.

- Eric

Jo said...

Sounds to me like you've got some good momentum going. There are a lot of "positives" in what I read here...I'm sure those good things will keep rolling in!

JJ said...

I forgot you were from New Hampshire. You are one of us. Anyone from that state can survive anything. Glad you are rocking and rolling.

Lori ann said...

meditation works. you must be in yosemite right now, enjoy disconnecting. or connecting in a different way.

great news on all accounts dear! i'm so happy for you!!

Nick Thomas said...

Thanks for you comments Tracy.. feeling better.
Good luck with a new car driving in LA. BMW sportscar, right?
Speaking of agents, have you tried Girl Werks?

Kris said...

congrats on the horror gig!

skippy said...

hey thx for the kind words about my post on lira's blog, tracy.

gil c. aka skippy

Robin said...

I just read this and still feel like I picked just the right thing for you. Not sure how that works. Anyway, Ithink if you can stay present in each moment you will be fine. It is when we spend our time looking forward and backward that we lose our footing. When we can live fully in the now and appreciate it that we really live our best lives. I think that is never more true than at a time like this when you have so much going on. Just stay focused where you are. I think if you can do that, blessings will flow to you. Love you girl.

Drunk Love Poet said...


Snowbrush said...

"Frankly, I'm a little burned out."

I should think you would be. I appreciated the newsy update. I read it a couple of weeks ago, and felt sure I had responded, but if I did, it must have gotten lost somehow. These things seem to happen from time to time. Hope you're enjoying that new car.

Dionne said...

New car?! Woo hoo!

Dang, you've been busy. That film fest sounds awesome! What a fun thing to be part of.

And I hear ya on the fast vs. slow moments. It's crazy how things can change so quickly and so unexpectedly.

Heather said...

Lol I absolutely LOVE your posts! That's really awesome about the film festival! Acting is so incredibly exciting (I did it once in fourth grade, and during an Interpretation of Literature class so...ya)! Were I single and faaaaaaar more self-confident, I would pursue it too! Keep it up, love. You'll get there!!

Barbara said...

A new car? Good for you!
Love your comment about the tree-hugging hippy New Age meditation CD....and getting over yourself. Trust me, you can do it without the damn CD. Anyway, I always laugh at in the middle of any meditation or yoga or anything like that. I am hopeless.

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