Monday, October 26, 2009

Dark side of the dinner party

First of all, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who weighed in (no pun intended, honest!) on their thoughts about food for my last post. I loved all of your kind, thoughtful comments; they totally made my day. I love how so many of you view food as comfort and love, or a way to honor the memory of someone who's passed away, or find it an expression of your creativity. And I can completely identify with those of you who struggle with what food means, and how much balance it requires in our lives. Ugh. I'm right there with you. And I've definitely been to that place where food is simply fuel to get me going through the day, or helping me fend off boredom.

So my gratitude goes out to each and every one of you for letting me know I'm not alone in occasionally making food my best friend, my worst enemy, my lover, or my family. :)

And speaking of food, I'm gonna hold off today on posting about what I did this weekend (hint: it was at a cemetery), but I wanted to tell you guys a funny anecdote about a dinner party my guy and I attended last week.

I made toasted goat cheese bread for the party and (okay, okay, I'll just start using his name already) Benni made some sort of divine kielbasa and cooked onion and green pepper kabobs (does anyone else have an almost Pavlovian reaction to the word "kabobs" by automatically conjuring up Bret and Jemaine of the band Flight of the Conchords? No? Okay, I'm insane). And to answer your question, Lira, no, Benni is not my Jewish Mother who yells "You're too THIN!" (that's YOUR job, girl), he's the son of a New Jersey pizza-maker. That should explain a lot.

So we head over to the party where I promptly meet my long-lost BFF, this artsy-cool chick who is about as socially inept as I am but dresses way better and says the word fuck in front of her dad, who's standing right beside her nodding when she uses it in the sentence, "UC Santa Cruz weirded me the fuck out." She's a few years younger than I am, infinitely more cool, but totally me, if, you know, I wore orange nail polish and dyed my hair black. And said fuck in front of my father.

Anyways, so Benni is talking about how he went through his rebellious (read: totally hot) phase where he got a couple tattoos and went skydiving, and I kid you not, this girl almost chokes on her bread as she starts laughing when he mentions skydiving. We wait for, you know, the crumbs to stop flying when she finally wipes her eyes and explains.

Turns out she had a friend who went skydiving a few years back with some crusty old skydiving instructor, and I should explain something about skydiving right now: the first few times you go skydiving, you go tandem, which means you are literally strapped to your skydiving instructor in case you freak out or black out or urinate all over yourself, one of which I'm planning on doing when I eventually go, I haven't decided yet which one will make the best Tweet. Probably the urine.

So imagine this poor guy jumping out of a plane, first time sky-diving EVER, tied into his flight instructor so that his back is up against his instructor's stomach, and his flight instructor growls, "You're in my world now," before promptly DYING OF A HEART ATTACK approximately 10,000 feet above the ground, and this guy at some point has to figure out a) that his flight instructor is now dead, b) how the hell he's going to land, and c) how the hell he's going to land strapped to a dead body.

So the three of us are literally crying in laughter at our table, which is about the time that other people, seeing that we are obviously laughing at something, wander over and ask, "What's so funny?" and all we can shriek out between the tears and hysterical laughter is "He had to land on the dead guy!!" and "You're in MY world now!"And people would just sort of back away and head towards the dessert table.

Sometimes, you just gotta laugh at the horrible and tragic. But man...are those not the best last words EVER?

And with that...Happy Monday, everyone! :)


Jo said...

You're not crazy, I thought of Bret and Jermaine immediately after reading the word "kabobs"! hahaha!

I've been sky diving, tandem, and that story tops every sky diving story I ever heard!! Awesome!! (I'd be curious to hear how the landing went. Is that morbid? Morbid curiosity? haha!)

Eeeno's World said...

I just spit a half-chewed grape onto my keyboard at work when I read "You're in MY WORLD NOW!!! and....died."

Still laughing.

Marion said...

Girl, you just can't make this shit up, it's so FABULOUS! I mean, it was sad that he died, but face it, he died what he apparently loved doing, cocky attitude and all! Thank you for sharing this with us. It's totally unforgettable. Blessings!

Taylor K said...

Best. Skydiving. Story. Ever. I am howling in my office right now. Thankful that I'm no longer in a cube. :)

drollgirl said...

JEMAINE! i think of him often! and i wish he would marry me! hahahahahah.

YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW! well, we both keep going to the same places! if i ever see you, you can be sure i will use that line on you! ;)

Gwen said...

Oh my goodness. I almost died while swallowing my handfull of popcorn without chewing. :) XOXO

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

That is HYSTERICAL! Thanks for sharing :) And can I just say that this would be a great intro to a horror movie where the tandem newbie then gets to see into the dimension of the dead because of those prophetic last words!

Clarity said...

When you wrote "I haven't decided yet which one will make the best Tweet. Probably the urine."

I choked/laughed so hard at that.

We normally call them kebabs here but The FC boys are deadpan funny with their New Zealander accent.

Thanks for your lovely, lovely comment on my blog, x.

Maggie May said...

best words evah!

LENORENEVERMORE said... instructor was holding all the power for sure!
I' would love to do it one day...hope to get a cute instructor though...ehem!

krista said...

dude. i'm gonna have nightmares about that now. seriously.
although if i dream about toasted goat cheese bread i'll be okay.
hey, trac, do you ever watch 'fringe?' cause everytime i do, i see the main girl and think of you.

Lira said...

Son of a NJ pizzaria owner? girl! When you go visit his family next christmas, let's meet up! We're usually in Danville. Is he near there?

In the meantime - we live three miles away. come over.

Ida Nielsen said...

Okay, I'm never going skydiving-ever!! Poor guy...hahaha. Kind of a cool way to die though ;-)

Jenn said...

omg if i was skydiving and the dude i was jumping tandem with DIED - i think i'd die too!!!! how did the guy know how to land????

amazing story :)

Dionne said...

I LOVE FOTC, so I know what you mean, hahahahaha, I am an Aussie, and we say it similar to they do, too. I get weird looks all the time!

LOL - tandem skydiving will never be the same!

Barbara said...

While I finish laughing at your post, I have to admit this is my first visit. And after this, it will NOT be my last.
You have one funny sense of humor, girl, and I love it.

Archana said...

Hahah. I needed a good laugh. :)

As for kebabs...mmm, now I have a craving for it. I'll just have to pencil in lunch somewhere delish! <3

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