because

Because... the first time I met Benni (on set), he didn't talk to me for the first four hours (he told me later he was intimidated),

Because... we were both with other people romantically when we met so we struck up a very natural friendship while our relationships ran their course,

Because... after we got out of those relationships we waited a while so that we didn't make each other the rebounds,

Because... he makes me laugh harder and smile more than any man I've ever been with,

Because... I am a better person because of being with him,

Because... he kicks my ass at Scrabble and chess but he lets me kick his ass when it comes to grammar and vocabulary and Shakespeare quotes,

Because... his eyes are the brightest blue I have possibly ever seen,

Because... he's a better cook than I am, so he cooks four out of five meals (hey, I do the dishes!),

Because... he has faced unspeakable tragedy in his life, losing two family members before he reached the age of 25, and he still has the most open, non-cynical heart I know,

Because... he is the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful guy I know, but doesn't take crap from a lot of people,

Because... he is patient and understanding with me, but doesn't hesitate to kick my butt if I need a verbal butt-kicking,

Because... he loves long walks in the evenings as much as I do, loves hiking as much as I do, loves hot chocolate as much as I do, and loves small, furry animals as much as I do,

Because... he looks at me like I'm the most beautiful girl on earth (this is even at 8 am when I'm in PJ's three sizes too big and my hair looks like it came from a Lady Gaga video)

Because... he forces me to put my b.s. aside, shoot my ego and ask questions later, and be an adult and have adult conversations,

Because... he wears his heart on his sleeve (literally, he has a freckle that's the shape of a heart on his arm),

Because of all these things, and a few thousand more...

When Benni got down on one knee and asked me to marry him on Thanksgiving, in front of my family, I said yes.

yes yes yes yes yes.

Feast on your life.

Love after Love

by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Here I sit, at the end of November, and feast on my life. I just spent two days on set after booking a national commercial at the beginning of last week, and being on set is always something to be grateful for, more so when my co-stars are adorable 8 month old twins that I get to hold and play with between takes.

But it is not just having work that makes me grateful. It is having purpose, and having purpose gathers and gains its own momentum until it's a wave that you swore was behind you and now you realize you're just along for the ride.

I am getting sharper, clearer, stronger, about the ways I fit into this world, the ways I fit into the lives of others, the way I fit in with myself. My bristled edges are getting smoother, my heart is becoming more graceful and grateful, and I am able to sit just a little bit longer with myself, following my breath with its rise and fall in my chest. My intuition is stronger, I am less reactive and more responsive, my fists are a little less clenched and my heart is a little more open (but as an adult's, not like a child's.)

Give back your heart to itself. I am giving myself more credit, I am giving others more credit, I am becoming aware of how often people do kind things for me that before I just took for granted, and I am here, now, saying thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you.

I am drowning in a sea of gratitude and I am feasting upon my own life, which, incidentally enough, is interwoven with yours, and is plentiful because of yours, and is rich because of you. All of you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Let the beauty we love be what we do

November is finally here, and with it comes autumn, Daylight Savings Time (FINALLY), buckets of nostalgia with a side of wistfulness, and for me, a chance to rest in the work I have already done while gearing up for more of it. If October is about grieving, November is about taking stock of what's been accomplished, of what there is to be grateful for, and resting while still in motion.

Don't ask me what December is yet. One thing at a time here, people.

The super top secret horror film that I've been working my ass off for months on has finally come into the public, and I'm so proud of it. You'll follow a group of college students through a psychology program that asks them to cut off all contact from social media for a week, and then asks them to cut themselves off from the rest of the world for a week with ONLY social media connecting them to others.

And then, of course, as it happens with horror... things go terribly, terribly wrong.

The website has several aspects to it - one is the webisodes, presented through YouTube, and one is a live streaming video of the "Kill Room" - where one unlucky participant in the program will find him or herself trapped at the start of each week. So tune in if you're a horror fan, because you'll get to see characters "killed" live - and you never know when my turn is coming. :)

(FYI - this site is Not Safe For Work, has strong language, is meant to be offensive, bloody, frightening, disturbing, blah blah blah words.) Enjoy!

The other thing I'm excited to talk about is that I got to cross a major item off my Bucket List when I was contacted by Comics on Comics to be ON a panel of geekery at the Long Beach Comic Con last week. I think I threw up out of excitement when they asked me, I'm not even kidding. (And apparently they think I'm funny?! Hey, I'll take it!) We discussed the new season of The Walking Dead, DC's new comic book reboot The New 52, Frank Miller's Islamophobic new comic book Holy Terror, and loads of other geeky subjects. This was the first time that anyone had ever said to me, Hey, you seem like a geek, and that's what we WANT. Talk about mind-blowing. And the panel was a blast to be on. I am so grateful.

I'll have more Hell Froze Over Season 2 updates closer to the end of the year - we are shooting in January and February of next year and there is some incredible actors already involved that I'm dying to work with. :)

In the meantime, I've got pictures! of other things I've been up to (because who doesn't love pictures!, right?)

On the set for the film. Yes, I permanently make that face.

I ended up going apple picking twice last month - once with my friends in early October, and another trip up on Halloween weekend to celebrate my mom and aunt's birthdays (they are twins.)

picking raspberries

One of the apple farms.

Pumpkin patch!

One of the apple mills.


Apple cider donuts. Yessssssssss.


I also ate WAY too much candy corn in October. Yummm....



Benni and I also celebrated our own Tim Burton Day, by seeing his exhibit at the LACMA with friends (pictures were not allowed to be taken of his creations, so there's only one picture that's his and the rest is of other exhibits at LACMA) and then we capped off the night by seeing "Nightmare Before Christmas" at the historic El Capitan Theater in Hollywood. It was an excellent day.


"Urban Lights," or, as I call it, the Lamp Forest at LACMA


Benni looks overwhelmed by the size of those dishes.


At the very end of the Tim Burton exhibit.


Various animal heads greeted us outside the Tim Burton exhibit.


And finally: we made it to the movie :)


I hope you had a lovely October, and that your November is just as nice. I will catch you next week!