Thursday, November 5, 2009


Monday night I found myself irrationally angry. I'm not really an angry person, as I was raised in a family of angry people so I sort of side-stepped that whole thing by becoming an Uber-Communicator. You know who we are, we're the ones whose buttons are impossible to find and we talk about our feelings and we drop our egos and focus on solving the problem? Or when we're really upset we go for a walk and come back and everything's okay? Yeah, we're an endangered species. Sorry, I'm working on a breeding program as I type this.

And Tuesday night I was really super sensitive and kind of...sad. Benni and I are brushing our teeth and I sort of turn to him and say, "I'm irrational," almost in a curious observer kind of way, because the thing is, most of the time I am not irrational. At all. I am the cool, collected pragmatist who likes to combine organized with spaz and see how many people I can weird out. Like, yes, sometimes I end up wearing two different colored socks the entire day without noticing (I only did that once), but I have never missed paying a bill on time in my life and my entire book collection is organized according to genre and then the author's last name. This really freaks people out.

So I know what's going on and what's coming up, so to speak, and I don't have to get all TMI on any of you. I guess I'm writing this because it can be treated as a kind of field/survival guide for girls and guys. So listen up as I give myself advice that you too can benefit from.

Girls: just because you feel an emotion doesn't mean you have to ACT on it. The anger might be there, the moodiness, the sadness, the urge for a bacon cheeseburger, whatever. I don't know where society got this "It's okay to express whatever you're feeling, whenever you're feeling it" mantra but NO. You don't get to throw a temper tantrum like a small helpless hungry 2 year old when you're 25, you don't get to act fully INSANE and expect your loved ones to have any sort of coping mechanism set in place whatsoever. You also don't get to say a bunch of really mean crap that you don't mean and expect it to blow over the next day once you feel fine. That's not cool, ladies.

You're an adult. Take responsibility for your actions. If you are in a bad mood, tell people you are in a bad mood and apologize in advance if you feel you are going to take it out on them. Or better yet - don't take it out on them! Create some sort of happy space for yourself, go out for frozen yogurt, go work out, snuggle with your puppy, kill lots of people in Halo 3 or go watch Quantum Leap re-runs. It doesn't matter. Just don't justify why you are entitled to go from mostly sane human being to raging bitch, because guys have bad days too and we chicks don't put up with their crap for very long.

Guys: Calm down. Nothing sets off an already-emotional woman like fear, or panic. This whole "Oh my god, is this what the rest of my life is going to be like" thought process does NOT help. Oh, and I know you want to fix it. Of course you can fix it! You fixed the dryer, didn't you?

No. You can't fix it.

You have to just shut up and listen as we sob uncontrollably about the latest love triangle on Grey's Anatomy or rage against the injustice of push-up bras or whatever other stupid thing has set us off, and you cannot fix it, you can only support us as we sit in the weird, irrational emotions and let them pass like a storm in the night. You don't have to be the hero, you don't have to rationalize our irrationalities and above all do not tell us we are overreacting. BE YE NOT SO STUPID as to tell us we are overreacting. Breathe. It will pass, we will feel better, and everything will go back to normal.

Unless you're dating a bi-polar chick, in which case all I can do is say I am very sorry and they have support groups like that for a reason.


Gwen said...

LMAO but oh so true!!! I think that's why I love kickboxing so much. I burn off a lot of the mega bitch energy that builds up during the day. I totally read your Guys: portion to my husband but I bet he still effs it up next time. LOL!!! XOXO

Lira Kellerman said...

Were you angry because I said one date for eating cookies with boys and then said, oh whoops, nevermind?
Or am I just being narcissistic, thinking everything revolves around me?

I hate it when you're mad at me.

Me me me!

Archana said...

*Applauds* If only there were more women like you in this world. :) I heart everything you just wrote! Not sure if you ever had a chance to read my "Be A Better Woman" post, but our thoughts resonate each other like a 110%. :) I'm a part of that endagered species, lol, so I hear you loud & clear darling.

Anonymous said...

Very true assesment. My first instinct is to try and fix what I think is wrong whenever a girl I'm dating gets upset about something.

Deech said...

That gift of separation between feeling emotions and acting on them is one I wish I had.

That's something I know I need to work on...

jenn said...

haha - this is so true! i love it. :)

Children of the 90s said...

I like the post a lot, and I agree. We all feel that way sometime, but we need to remember we're adults and can't always just claim PMS or something after the fact.

Wine and Words said...

Amen Sista! And I love the breeding program. Can't wait for completion.

Marion said...

So true, Phoenix. (Monday night *was* the full moon, ya know. Maybe that was it. Tee-Hee). I wish everybody I know could read this. Great stuff. Blessings!!!!

Tom Bailey said...

Irrational times for women:

This is my Viewpoint do not take it as the truth just a viewpoint. You described everything in a great way.

There are things that I have found work in dealing with women during this time...

#1 avoid logic and reasoning that does not work

#2 find treats woman likes - buy treats - make a list because one might work one time but it does not work another time... have a variety on hand at all times hide extras for emergencies..

#3 back-rubs - rubbing the lower back of a woman seems to work

#4 gentle back rubs

#5 meditative music, candles and a gentle back rub

#6 hardcore workingout together - that is one of the best

#7 Long walks and or hikes - 5 miles or more

#8 extreme intimacy

Best regards
I have more but I thought I would share what has worked... maybe those would work with the guy you are with?

Dave said...

My wife was in such a mood a few years back when she asked me to fix the dryer. I threw a pipe wrench at it from 20 feet didn't fix it or her mood. Go figure. Your post made my day.

Kristin Quinn said...

I just finished crying over Grey's Anatomy and eating dark dove chocolate with almonds.

Eeeno's World said...

Perhaps it's the moon....Seriously. I was watching "Modern Family" (COMEDY) Wednesday night. The middle-aged brother is still upset with the older sister for quitting their "ice-dancing" team when they were teenagers. He turns to her and says, "We've grown apart in the last few years. I think I just miss having you on my team".

Cue irrational knot in my throat, and tears in my eyes.

And I KNOW, it's overreacting, and crazily sensitive. I think having the ability to REALIZE when our feelings are out of control puts us ahead of the game!

Unknown said...

I was reading this post, and I started to get all misty, and nodding my head, and thinking "preach it, girl" and then I realized you are totally over-reacting.

But don't worry, I think I know how to fix it...

Maggie May said...

I have been having such shitty mood swings since the time change. Yuck.

krista said...

i've been feeling a bit irrational myself lately but honestly think there is something hormonally wrong with me. i just don't feel right, you know? and i know i'm being irrational but it's like it bubbles up underneath my skin and itches to break free. i was this way when i was pregnant (which was the first time i can remember ever feeling totally at war with my own body) and now it seems to be getting worse each month. something's not right. i'm moody but not like this.
i'm only talking to myself here because i realized, upon reading this, that none of those tricks would have worked to make me feel better. seems like i should pay more attention to my body, something's up.
and i've been using fat, sugar and butter as salves to my craziness and it doesn't really the long run.

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